A Newspaper Subscription
"A serving of tots large enough to read alongside, with one hand free for either."
The morning paper, weighed in golden cylinders.
At the prevailing rate of $0.14/oz for name-brand Tater Tots® or $0.093/oz for the generic equivalent, with each tot standardized to 8.5 grams. The thrifty consumer is directed to the Calculator for additional dimensional conversions.
Other Recurring Indulgences
A Streaming Service, Monthly
"A monthly bag of tots, standing in for the streaming queue you have not actually watched."
What the prestige drama costs, weighed in starch.
A Monthly Gym Membership
"A month's worth of tots — caloric mockery of the very membership in question."
The treadmill goes unused. The tots do not.
The Family Streaming Bundle
"Sufficient tots to feed the entire household through the season finale, with leftovers."
Every screen in the house, monthly.